Choose to be kind over being right and you'll be right everytime.Richard Carlson
Last week I wrote about being an ambassador of grace – showing unconditional loving-kindness, especially in difficult situations.
Today I would like to explore an important aspect of being an ambassador of grace. Perhaps also one of the most difficult:
Letting go.
I'm talking about that word of righteous indignation, just begging to balance the scales. Or that nagging duty to call someone out on their mistake. Or that knee-jerk explanation that you hope will put you in a more favorable light, after someone says something that leads you to feel inferior in some way.
What would happen if you just let it go, instead?
The Last Word
Instead of getting the last word in, what if you just let it go? Well, for one, you wouldn't regret that word later (and you already know how regrettable the last word usually is). Whatever situation you're feeling verbal about will pass. Your words will last much longer.
Calling Them Out
Some of us have a tendency of letting people know when they've goofed up, and this is usually done more for our own benefit than the other person's. Now, there's a big difference between pointing out a mistake that could potentially cause a serious problem, and calling someone out because their goof-up has simply irritated you.
Here's a good guage: ask yourself, am I pointing this out so this person (or our relationship) can truly benefit from it, or am I pointing it out because they should've known better and I want them to know that I've been inconvenienced? You'll know the answer when the situation arises. If it's the second one, consider letting it go with an attitude of kindness. This is truly being an ambassador of grace, and it almost certainly won't go unnoticed – that's the beauty of it. Folks know when they're being shown grace.
Explaining Yourself
The overrated, overwrought, mostly unnecessary art of self-explanation.
It usually sounds something like this:
Well I was only asking because...
Well I only did it this way because...
Notice the pattern? Starts with "well I" and ends with "because", followed by whatever reason seems necessary to explain. But you know what? It isn't necessary. For you or for anyone else.
When we explain ourselves in this way, what we're really saying is, "Your response wasn't the one I was looking for, so now I have to explain myself and give you another chance to respond correctly."
If you happen to find yourself in that space of feeling like your power has been taken away by someone's response to something you've said or done, remember that your power can never be taken away – only given away. When you attempt to explain yourself over something trivial, you are giving it away and over-compensating to reclaim it.
Instead, consider the power you have in simply letting it go. If someone's response to you makes you feel inferior or threatened, simply let it go. Let the moment pass. This may involve you moving on to the next part of the conversation, or perhaps even acknowledging their response and walking away.
And even though it feels like they are getting the upper hand, really it is you who is showing grace. You are showing grace by acknowledging their response without imposing your own conditions.
Folks have their own reasons for responding the way they do. Perhaps they are feeling irritable from having a rough day. Or maybe they just don't understand you the way you want them to. Or perhaps they just plain ol' fashioned don't like you. Whatever the case, it isn't your job to provide clarity into your motives for doing anything – especially when your reasons for clarifying are mostly out of a perceived need to look better or "save face".
Take a thoughtful look at the motives behind your actions, and choose to act consciously. This is what conscious living is all about. Create space for unconditional grace, and experience the freedom and lightness of heart that come as a result.