The first duty of love is to listen.Paul Tillich
Have you ever been talking to someone, and you could feel that they were really listening? Not just with their ears, but with every fiber of their being? It doesn't happen very often, does it?
True listening is what I call listening with your love and your presence. Being fully present with not only the words someone is speaking, but with the intentions and feelings behind and between them. Being present with your heart, your awareness, your intuition and your empathy. Using as many of your senses as possible to completely engage with what they are saying to you.
True listening is sitting with the silence, too. Have you ever noticed how averse we are to silences in a conversation? And how we attempt to fill those silences with remarks and advice?
Most people aren't even comfortable with their own silence, and will often second guess their own words or attempt to move out of the space their words have created in order to avoid the silence afterwards.
Sit with the silence. Be present with it.
It may seem awkward at first to do this, but as you continue this practice, you will discover that there is a great deal of information in the silences between words. And being present with the silence together can be immensely powerful and healing – deep, authentic connection takes place there.
Another important part of true listening is not giving unwarranted advice. Even though giving advice usually comes from a genuinely heartfelt place, sometimes folks just need to talk it out.
I used to give advice all the time. It is my nature to want to "fix" things that aren't working, and I'm certain that a lot of people can relate to that. Now, I only give advice if it is asked of me. This takes a good bit of effort, sometimes.
People will ask for advice if they need it. But most of the time, I've found, they just want to be heard. And often they use that space to work out whatever issues they are dealing with themselves. So create and hold that space for them, in a loving and fully present way. Feel a sense of gratitude and joy to be in their presence.
This is one of the best, most healing gifts we can give.