I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.Anne Lamott
Unconditional grace – one of my biggest lessons.
Grace has been defined as giving someone that which they don't deserve. The flaw in this definition, though, is the concept of deserving something – nowhere in nature is this teaching found. We humans, at some point, made it up and it's become a central tenet of our worldview.
I define grace simply as showing unconditional loving-kindness. This is much easier said than done, sometimes. But there are a few good reasons to become an ambassador of grace.
Grace is life-changing.
If you've ever been shown grace in a time when you really felt you didn't deserve it, you know what I'm talking about here.
For example, when you make a mistake that negatively affects someone else, notice how you tense up inside in anticipation of their reaction. This is why some people will start a confession with "It was really stupid of me to do this..." – they believe that if they say it first, perhaps the other person will be merciful.
This inner tension, unfortunately, is often justified. However, when the expected reaction actually turns out to be an expression of love and compassion – rather than sternness or deprecation – the tension immediately melts away and the heart is filled with appreciation.
Let this be your practice: When someone does something that irritates or angers you, take a deep breath. Stop your mind from diving into perceived motives and the injustice of it all. Breathe and ask yourself, "How would I want someone to respond to me if I did this same thing to them?" – and do that.
This can be anything from giving them a loving, encouraging word to saying nothing at all. Let your heart guage the best response.
Grace opens your heart.
Showing unconditional loving-kindness to everyone, especially when you feel that they don't deserve it, causes something powerful to happen inside you. Your heart expands. Your thoughts become peaceful. Your whole body eases out of the negative tension you were feeling before.
As it becomes more deeply integrated in your way of living, the heart becomes more and more open.
Grace heals others at a very deep level.
I can think of many times when I goofed something up pretty badly, and was shown grace by the person directly affected by my goof-up. It changes me inside, every time. It sheds light on my potential rather than my shortcomings. This is healing.
Will you be this catalyst of healing in others? Showing unconditional grace, while certainly a challenging journey, is one of the most powerful ways to live.
You'll find that people begin to trust you more, open up around you more, and feel a sense of closeness with you. They'll see you as a safe harbour, a place of refuge in a world that can often seem harsh and unaccomodating.
It starts inside you.
Let grace become a way of life, not just something you do when it feels easy. The most powerful transformation and healing occurs when you show grace in times of great difficulty. This is where the magic really happens.
You may not execute it perfectly all the time – in fact, let's be honest, you won't. No one is perfect at this. But if you can learn from each bump in the road, forgive yourself and keep walking in grace, you will grow – and that's what this is about.