It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you.Buddha
Who is your enemy?
The one who talks down to you and criticizes your work? The one who treats you carelessly? The one who puts obstacles in your path and makes your life more difficult?
Perhaps you sometimes see an enemy in your friend, or your lover, or your co-worker. The distinction can be blurred, at times. We can all be many things to many people.
We can even be an enemy to ourselves.
Where we see an enemy, we essentially see one thing: resistance.
Resistance creates a disturbance in our sense of peace. We have developed defense mechanisms to counteract it: shutting down emotionally, strong-arming our will through abrasiveness, argumentativeness, violence, manipulation and more.
This process of pushing back gives us a sense of victory, because we have grown accustomed to perceiving outside resistance as a threat to our sense of self. We meet that outside resistance with our own brand of inner resistance in order to re-establish a status quo that feels comfortable.
Unfortunately, this is nothing more than a self-reinforcing cycle in which long-term growth and transformation are forfeited for short-term ego satisfaction, rooted in the belief that if we don’t push back, we will be defeated.
Now, let’s unravel that belief and expand our view.
Without outside resistance, we cannot grow – we remain in a static state. So it follows that meeting outside resistance with inner resistance is counteractive to growth. It simply becomes a battleground of will, where no growth takes place – only the repeating of existing patterns.
True transformation occurs when we choose to meet resistance with acceptance.
I call this victorious acceptance – when I accept that I am responsible for my attitude and my actions, in the face of resistance from someone else. I do not pass this responsibility onto them. I stand strong in my own sense of stillness and peace.
And where I don’t stand strong, I know that is where my work lies. I accept this lesson with gratitude.
In this way, those who put resistance in my path are not my enemies – they are my teachers. They hold a mirror up in front of me, reflecting my blind spots and my weak areas. They show me where I have work to do. I choose to meet them with acceptance and conscious action.
I choose gentleness. I choose kindness. I choose peace. I choose love.
This is a far cry from defeat. This is, in fact, the ultimate victory: the victory over yourself. Here, you have transcended a layer of the story-telling ego and expanded into a state of liberation. Here, you have empowered yourself to act consciously and compassionately, because you aren’t locked into a game of me vs. them.
And here, there is revolution and growth.
Isn't this worth letting your feathers get a little ruffled? Isn't the potential for this kind of transformation worth welcoming those experiences that shake you and challenge you?
I encourage you to see the light of your own personal development within the adrenaline and emotion of negative encounters. To see that there is a facet of yourself in your judgments of others, and a powerful lesson in that which you feel compelled to resist.
Victory is calling your name. What will your answer be?