A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.Biblical Proverb
Thoughtful, soothing presence.
Take a moment to let that imagery develop in your mind.
How does it feel? What does it look like? What does it sound like?
I've been thinking about that a lot lately.
So often, we speak to each other with haste and self-interest. We react to negativity with negativity. We speak abruptly. We let our own mental and emotional storylines command our way of thinking and speaking.
There is freedom – although it is challenging to walk in, at first – in taking total responsibility for how we speak to others. To let our words and demeanor be proactive, rather than reactive, in the presence of negativity or intensity. To be a calm presence in the face of someone else's drama.
It helps to remember that when someone comes to you with any kind of emotional negativity, it is because their needs are not being met. Always. This may or may not have anything to do with you, personally. But you can choose to be a thoughtful, soothing presence, or you can choose to be a presence of ego-centered resistance.
One choice is aligned with service to others. Your growth lies in which choice you make.
I can think of no reason to take pride in being a blunt person – that's the easiest thing in the world. Speaking your mind with no filter of compassion or kindness, taking only your thoughts and feelings into account, requires no effort or discipline at all.
The real challenge, and the real work, lies in taking responsibility for your way of communicating. To commit to speaking with gentleness, drawing upon the resource of your own stillness rather than reacting to emotions and storylines – now that is a truly worthwhile journey, and it is healing.
You won't always know if the person in your presence is occupied with worry, or sadness, or frustration. It won't always be apparent. So listen with love. And let your words be a refreshing, soothing balm. Let them be like reeds in a soft breeze.
Let gentle speaking become your discipline, and see how it changes the world around you.