To live without the creative potential of our own destructiveness is to be a cardboard angel.Sheldon B. Kopp
Your Shadow. A name for those unconscious aspects of yourself that you either deny, resist ownership of, or simply aren't aware of.
We all have one. And as long as we aren't taking ownership of it, our shadow is right there behind the scenes of our daily lives — directing our actions in ways that cause suffering and frustration in ourselves and others.
Your shadow can manifest itself in those destructive patterns that leave you thinking, "Why did I do that again?" And if you've noticed that you typically react with negativity around certain types of folks and situations, there's a pretty good chance that your shadow is the driving force behind that.
That feeling of "Everyone around here is crazy except me!".... yup, probably your shadow speaking. Bummer, eh?
Becoming aware of your shadow is the beginning of a very powerful, very edifying journey of personal development. Not only can you grow immensely from it, but your new insight will increase your compassion and empathy towards others as well. You will understand that their shadow is not very different from yours.
This simple exercise will help you to uncover several aspects of your own shadow:
- Write down the names of 5 people in your life who tend to elicit negative feelings and reactions from you. Next to each name, write the quality that makes them so difficult to deal with. For example: Control freak, Angry, Emotionally unstable, etc.
- Contemplate each quality that you've identified. Acknowledge that your strong reaction to these qualities means that they also exist within you. You react strongly to them because you are unconsciously at war with them within yourself.
- Ask each of these negative qualities what purpose they are serving in your life. What hidden hurts are they pointing to? What can you learn from them?
"My anger arises when I feel that I'm not being heard or acknowledged. The source of this is a lack of self-worth, which I'm looking to fulfill through the validation of others."
This was just one of several revelations that rocked me to my core. I found that some qualities didn't make sense at first, until I realized that I'd unconsciously pushed them so far down below the surface that I didn't recognize them. But once I accepted them, connected with them, and began communicating with them, I was able to clearly see how my life was being driven by them. More importantly, I was able to begin the work of healing the root issues that they were pointing to.
In addition to all of this, I've noticed that my attitude towards those who really irritate me has begun to change. Instead of focusing on the negativity I feel, I see that it's really my own reflection that is irritating me. This shows me where my work and my healing lie, and there is liberation in that.
Are you ready to shake your world up? To begin the work of digging deep into your own darkness?
Give this exercise a try. Your growth, your healing and your freedom await you there.