I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion – and where it isn't, that's where my work lies.Ram Dass
We humans have this tendency of defining ourselves by our character flaws and failures.
We shine a harsh, critical light on ourselves when we succumb to triggers or temptations, doing things that aren't in line with our core principles.
What's worse, is the way we lie to ourselves afterwards. Thinking things like That wasn't me, how could I have done that? or That person brings out the worst in me, or the infamous I'm just not good enough.
I will explore those 3 limiting beliefs later in this article. But first, a story:
Last week, someone said something to me that really angered me. Instead of creating space and reacting consciously, I said some things I wish I hadn't – and this person became very upset as a result. For days afterwards, my reaction was a source of stress and self-doubt for me.
I kept thinking to myself: Here I am, writing about living consciously and compassionately, and I'm not walking the walk. Then I started thinking about my life purpose: How can I teach oneness and guide people through personal transformation when I do stuff like this? Won't they know I'm a hypocrite?
Pretty bleak stuff.
After dealing with this for several days, I dove into a meditative drumming session and got a very healing insight: You are human. You made a mistake, and you'll make more later on. Your imperfections don't render your life purpose null and void. Get back up, forgive yourself and keep walking.
And so I realized 3 very simple steps to re-centering after experiencing a failure:
1. Get back up. Get out of the negative mind space, pity party, etc.
2. Forgive yourself. You are human, after all.
3. Keep walking. Realign yourself with your values and walk in them anew.
Doing this brought me out of that space of stress and self-doubt, and back into my living walk. I realized that the really important thing here was the lesson: I got some valuable information regarding precisely where I have work to do.
So how exactly do you get past those negative, limiting beliefs that arise in the wake of imperfection or failure?
Let's go through a few of them:
"That wasn't me, how could I have done that?"
We say this to ourselves because we don't like to think of our shadow as being a part of our sense of self – which, unfortunately, keeps us from confronting it and dealing with it properly. A more effective, healing question to ask ourselves is this: What part of me is hurting, and is being triggered by these situations? Find the root of the unconscious reaction, air it out. Confront the rawness of it and sit with it for awhile. Healing will begin in this way.
"That person brings out the worst in me!"
It is helpful to view all people in our life as mirrors. If you feel that someone brings out the worst in you, be thankful because you have a great teacher in them. You may be surprised to find that the facets of them that you resonate so negatively with are simply reflections of your own shadow. Uncover these shadow facets with the light of acceptance, compassion and forgiveness.
"I'm just not good enough."
Forget that. You are good enough. In fact, you have greatness in you – a purpose that is so tailor-fitted to you and your gifts, that no one else in this world could ever accomplish it quite like you. Your greatness lies in your resolve to keep going, no matter what.
So be thankful for your failures and imperfections. They provide powerful lessons from which you can grow and evolve. Learn from them – there is always wisdom to be found in them. Incorporate that wisdom into your walk and let it refine your sense of purpose.
Just keep walking. You still have so many special things to show the world.