Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.Victor Frankl
Creating space is simply taking a moment to pause, and filling that pause with conscious awareness.
We can benefit from creating space in an endless number of situations. In fact, making a habit of creating space will literally transform your life in a positive and healing way! You may find that it also eliminates many bad habits in the process – it really is that powerful.
For instance, think about those recurring situations in your life where your response to something is automatic and immediate – a knee-jerk reaction.
Some examples might include...
- A co-worker who annoys, provokes or otherwise aggravates you
- Inconsiderate drivers on the road
- Clients who speak to you in a rude or insulting way
- A lover, friend or family member who does things which you find unpleasant
Whatever your triggers are, take note of your responses. How do you feel afterwards? Angry? Resentful? Remorseful?
When we respond automatically to a situation, we don't have time to react consciously, so what we're really doing is repeating past reactions, or programs. The co-worker irritates us and we react the way we always have – maybe with a curt response and feelings of resentment afterwards. The inconsiderate driver cuts us off, and we honk the horn and yell expletives. And so forth. We get triggered and react in a programmed way.
By taking inventory and becoming consciously aware of the major triggers in your day-to-day life, you will find it easier to catch them as they are happening, which brings us to the first step in creating space.
Step 1: Enter The Pause
As I mentioned earlier, creating space starts with a pause. You've already become aware of your primary triggers, so they are present in your awareness. Inevitably, a situation arises and you feel the knee-jerk reaction coming on. However, your new awareness gives you a window – however brief – to pause.
This is where you refuse to reinforce the old program. Just pause.
Take note of how you feel in the space of this pause. Are you angry? Are you hurt? Are you offended? Are you disgusted?
Guess what – THAT'S OKAY! In fact, it brings us to our next step.
Step 2: Take a Deep Breath
So you've paused, even though that knee-jerk reaction is just itching to come out. You're feeling some kind of emotion very intensely. This is where you take a deep breath.
Something amazing happens when we breathe deeply. The mind sharpens. The body relaxes. I recommend doing this as often as you think about it, actually. It's a great way to bring presence and awareness to a moment. Think of it as a mini-meditation.
Taking a deep breath during a moment of intense emotion is especially beneficial. Physiologically, the act of breathing deeply fills the blood with cleansing oxygen and stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which induces a relaxation response throughout the body.
So take that deep, cleansing breath!
Step 3: Awareness
Now that you've paused and taken a deep breath, you have a moment of space at your disposal. Fill it with awareness. This is where you consider how useful that knee-jerk reaction really would be in this situation.
Chances are, in this space of conscious awareness, you'll realize that whatever programmed response is screaming to come out, it hasn't benefited you up to this point and it certainly won't benefit you now. In this awareness, you'll probably see that a different reaction would feel much better, and might even improve the situation.
You've just created space.
Now, you can react consciously. This is what creating space is all about – bringing consciousness into the equation so that you aren't rehashing the same useless programs, over and over.
It's easy to see the growth potential in this. As the mind detaches from old programs and learns to respond consciously to any situation, it becomes easier and easier, eventually becoming a habit. Being in total, conscious control of your reactions in all situations... this is freedom!
Now that we've covered the concept of creating space in situations with external catalysts, I'd like to turn inward where great healing and growth are also possible.
Creating Space in Your Thoughts, Beliefs and Emotions
Our inner critics have a tendency of being overly harsh and judgmental. We sometimes find difficulty in accepting our feelings about certain things. We maintain beliefs about ourselves and others that make it difficult to cultivate self-love. Our minds generate ideas that create resistance in our lives rather than allowing flow.
Creating space in our internal states is immensely healing and freeing. When you catch yourself judging yourself or others... create space. When you find yourself in the midst of a limiting belief... create space. When unkind thoughts arise... create space.
What you're doing is giving yourself a chance to feel and perceive freshly and authentically, rather than according to programmed judgments, beliefs and archetypes. When you stop constantly judging and criticizing yourself and others, you clear out a space for authenticity and healing – where one promotes the other in a self-reinforcing cycle.
Try creating space in the more mundane moments, too. In your car on your way to work... throughout the day... as you're lying in bed to sleep... you can bring presence and awareness to any moment, and a great deal of beauty can be experienced in this way.
Enjoy the view...